Verhandlungsangebot oder Liebesbeweis

Published by Michael | Filed under Allgemein

Der Besteller wird hier vor die Wahl gestellt:

Wollen Sie nochmal über den Preis verhandeln? Oder aber: Zeigen sie doch, wie sehr sie uns mögen und schließen Sie diese Rechnung in Ihre Arme:

Are You A Prostitute Or A Consultant?

Published by Michael | Filed under Allgemein

1. You work very odd hours.

2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.

4. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.

5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended for the right price.

6. You are not proud of what you do.

7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.

8. It’s difficult to have a family.

9. You have no job satisfaction.

10. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends youto another client.

11. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.

12. People ask you, “What do you do?” and you can’t explain it.

13. Your family hardly recognizes you at reunions (at least the reunions you attend.)

14. Your friends have distanced themselves from you and you’re left hanging with only other “professionals.”

15. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.

16. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.

17. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or BMWs.

18. Your pimp encourages drinking and you become addicted to drugs to ease the pain of it all.

19. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client is foolish enough to pay it’s not your problem.

20. When you leave to go see a client, you look great,but return looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday PM).

21. You are rated on your “performance” in an excruciating ordeal.

22. Even though you get paid the big bucks, it’s the client who walks away smiling.

23. The client always thinks your “cut” of your billing rate is higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.

24. When you deduct your “take” from your billing rate, you constantly wonder if you could get a better deal with another pimp.

25. Everyday you wake up and tell yourself, “I’m not going to be doing this stuff the rest of my life.”

Computers – male or female?

Published by Michael | Filed under Allgemein

A SPANISH teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish,
unlike in English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’
‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’

A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether
computer’ should be a masculine or a feminine noun.  Each group was
asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the
feminine gender (‘la computadora’), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The  native language they use to communicate with other computers
is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and

4. As  soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be
masculine (‘el computador’), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;

3. They  are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.